I finally have some answers regarding my health issues. Last month, the neurologist finally realized that it wasn't all migraine-related. Numbness, tingly feelings, warm sensations in my body, as well as swelling, my hands starting to hurt more, my feet feeling like lead in the morning (and sometimes shuffling when I walk) as well as my toes hurting at times- that is not migraine related. So after having my blood drawn for tests such as lupus, RA (rheumatoid arthritis) and an ANA test, I finally got some answers yesterday.
I did a nerve test first. Well, 2, in fact. Man those hurt! I had my hand hooked up to a machine, to test my carpel nerve. I was hoping that I had no nerve damage, but it might have explained why I sometimes can't feel 100% in the last 2 fingers of either hand. Everything looked good, a little tennis elbow in my left arm, and some wear and tear in my right (due to being right-handed).
So then the neurologist says, "It all looks good. I will see you back here in 3 months." So I said, "what about my lab results with the blood tests?" Then she looked at the results, and said, "Your results look good. No lupus, no RA, your ANA test came back negative." As she is looking over the results, I was already thinking I would need a second opinion- because I knew, just knew, something was there. Then she was flipping from page 2 to page 3, then back to page 2, and back again. I knew she had seen something. So she says, "They decided to do another ANA test, and it came back high. You need to see a rheumatologist." The ANA test was to determine if I have any inflammatory in my body. Really high is in the 600's. Mine was 330, which is still high. It could be nothing, or it could be something. I believe it is something, given the way I have seen my body change since February. My rheumatology appointment is in a few weeks, so I will have a little more answers even then.
Friday, June 6, 2014
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Only God Knows
*This was written almost 2 months ago*
About 3 weeks ago, I had some pain in my right leg. It was only painful when it touched other things. Then I had a localized spot of it, and got scared, thinking it was a blood clot. An ultrasound revealed that it was not a blood clot, and blood tests were done- which also revealed that I don't have a high risk of blood clots.
Almost a week passes, and I start getting an aura (known in the migraine world of seeing something in the eye). I had it happen for the first time in early January, so I kind of thought I knew what was coming next. See, when it happened in January, I could see things, but they were out of focus in the center, more in focus out of center. This happened first, and then I got a headache. So I started pushing through it.
However, that Thursday was different than in January. I did end up getting a headache, but my left hand went numb, I slurred my words, and I had trouble comprehending things. I didn't register too much concern, because I was not in a clear mind. The symptoms subsided, all but the headache and the nausea that went with it. I ended up leaving school and calling my Doctor's office. They suggested I go to the E.R. Again, I didn't think much of it, and went home. Not to the E.R. C came home for lunch, and when I began telling him my symptoms, he began to get worried. Moreso after I shared about the slurred speech, numbness in my hand, and having trouble comprehending things. I will never forget how his eyes almost popped out of his head. With his urging, I went to the E.R. There, they did an MRI, and determined it was not a stroke, just an awful migraine. They sent me straight to a neurologist. She was concerned that it was Bell's palsy, or a mini stroke, because the right side of my face looked different than the left side of my face.
The next day, things were alright. I had a burning sensation in my head all day, and every so often, I felt a little numbness in my left hand. That evening, my entire left hand did go numb. So I went back to the E.R. During the few minutes it took to get to the E.R., I was praying, shaking my hand, trying to make it stop. I knew even then that if it was a stroke, I couldn't stop it. I was crying, hyperventilating, expecting the worst. I expected to have other parts of my body go numb, or expected to feel something stroke-related. Thankfully, I did not have a stroke. They ruled it as a complex migraine in the E.R., which can cause parts of the body to have temporary paralysis or numbness. They sent me home with a medication to take if it happens again, and to follow up with my neurologist asap.
I had some of the same symptoms that weekend, just not to the extent of Thursday and Friday. I followed up with the neurologist Monday, and eventually got an appointment to see her that Thursday. I saw her, and she said things were looking better with my face. Off and on (and still to this point) the right side looks different than the left- but I think it looks puffy. I have it even today. She said my test results she ordered for me came back good. She ordered a predictor test for strokes, for blood clots, etc. My sister (twin) has a blood clotting disease from a gene mutation sequence. I only have a part of it, and not the full mutation. So, no blood clots for sure. Which means that I don't have a huge chance of having a stroke. Unfortunately, for my sister, she does. And that worries me for her. I pray that she never has one.
By that Thursday, I had some slight swelling in my left hand. Still numbness in my left hand, but it was not a lot. In fact, it comes and it goes. She ordered an MRI/MRA (to check the blood vessels in my brain), which I just had done this Wednesday. I did have an echo cardiogram done last Wednesday, but no results on that yet.
Last Saturday, fingers in my right hand went numb. I cried. I was home by myself, and terrified something was going to happen. I cried because I was scared, not knowing what was going on in my body. My sister (she is a nurse, by the way) told me in a way it is good that my right side went numb, because it definitely rules out a stroke. All I can think of is, what is happening to my body?
So I dealt with some slight numbness in my right hand and arm this week. On Friday, my right calf started tingling, and it stayed that way for 3.5 hours. I am keeping a symptom/pain diary, so I wrote it down. Yesterday morning, I woke up with major swelling in my hands and arms. Then, I had some numbness in my right calf. Today, light numbness in my left hand, but still lots of swelling.
I am completely scared. I don't want to be alone. I don't understand what is going on in my body.
About 3 weeks ago, I had some pain in my right leg. It was only painful when it touched other things. Then I had a localized spot of it, and got scared, thinking it was a blood clot. An ultrasound revealed that it was not a blood clot, and blood tests were done- which also revealed that I don't have a high risk of blood clots.
Almost a week passes, and I start getting an aura (known in the migraine world of seeing something in the eye). I had it happen for the first time in early January, so I kind of thought I knew what was coming next. See, when it happened in January, I could see things, but they were out of focus in the center, more in focus out of center. This happened first, and then I got a headache. So I started pushing through it.
However, that Thursday was different than in January. I did end up getting a headache, but my left hand went numb, I slurred my words, and I had trouble comprehending things. I didn't register too much concern, because I was not in a clear mind. The symptoms subsided, all but the headache and the nausea that went with it. I ended up leaving school and calling my Doctor's office. They suggested I go to the E.R. Again, I didn't think much of it, and went home. Not to the E.R. C came home for lunch, and when I began telling him my symptoms, he began to get worried. Moreso after I shared about the slurred speech, numbness in my hand, and having trouble comprehending things. I will never forget how his eyes almost popped out of his head. With his urging, I went to the E.R. There, they did an MRI, and determined it was not a stroke, just an awful migraine. They sent me straight to a neurologist. She was concerned that it was Bell's palsy, or a mini stroke, because the right side of my face looked different than the left side of my face.
The next day, things were alright. I had a burning sensation in my head all day, and every so often, I felt a little numbness in my left hand. That evening, my entire left hand did go numb. So I went back to the E.R. During the few minutes it took to get to the E.R., I was praying, shaking my hand, trying to make it stop. I knew even then that if it was a stroke, I couldn't stop it. I was crying, hyperventilating, expecting the worst. I expected to have other parts of my body go numb, or expected to feel something stroke-related. Thankfully, I did not have a stroke. They ruled it as a complex migraine in the E.R., which can cause parts of the body to have temporary paralysis or numbness. They sent me home with a medication to take if it happens again, and to follow up with my neurologist asap.
I had some of the same symptoms that weekend, just not to the extent of Thursday and Friday. I followed up with the neurologist Monday, and eventually got an appointment to see her that Thursday. I saw her, and she said things were looking better with my face. Off and on (and still to this point) the right side looks different than the left- but I think it looks puffy. I have it even today. She said my test results she ordered for me came back good. She ordered a predictor test for strokes, for blood clots, etc. My sister (twin) has a blood clotting disease from a gene mutation sequence. I only have a part of it, and not the full mutation. So, no blood clots for sure. Which means that I don't have a huge chance of having a stroke. Unfortunately, for my sister, she does. And that worries me for her. I pray that she never has one.
By that Thursday, I had some slight swelling in my left hand. Still numbness in my left hand, but it was not a lot. In fact, it comes and it goes. She ordered an MRI/MRA (to check the blood vessels in my brain), which I just had done this Wednesday. I did have an echo cardiogram done last Wednesday, but no results on that yet.
Last Saturday, fingers in my right hand went numb. I cried. I was home by myself, and terrified something was going to happen. I cried because I was scared, not knowing what was going on in my body. My sister (she is a nurse, by the way) told me in a way it is good that my right side went numb, because it definitely rules out a stroke. All I can think of is, what is happening to my body?
So I dealt with some slight numbness in my right hand and arm this week. On Friday, my right calf started tingling, and it stayed that way for 3.5 hours. I am keeping a symptom/pain diary, so I wrote it down. Yesterday morning, I woke up with major swelling in my hands and arms. Then, I had some numbness in my right calf. Today, light numbness in my left hand, but still lots of swelling.
I am completely scared. I don't want to be alone. I don't understand what is going on in my body.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
No Negativity Here
We have had a lot of snow this winter. A LOT. It seems that it has occurred every week from the beginning of January until now. The joke in my family a couple of weeks ago is that it was my fault, since we had a snowflake tablecloth on our dining room table from Dec. 27th until about 2 weeks ago when I took it off. Ever since then, we had the majority of snow then. Then, we got another round of snow, and I told them all it was not my fault, since the table cloth was already off the table. :)
A lot of people are sick of the snow, of the nasty cold temperatures we have had, sick of not seeing the sun numerous days. It's caused havoc everywhere. But I refuse to think negatively about it. A person can't. There isn't anything we can do about the weather, it comes and goes as it pleases. There is a reason for it to happen, and God knows the reason why he gave us all the snow.
That brings me to another thing not to be negative about.
When we bought our house in August, within 3 days of moving in, our unfinished basement had water coming through the drain. A lot. So C and my Dad plugged it, and we went on our merry way. Until last Wednesday morning. I was in the shower, and C told me to get out, because we had water in the basement. It came from the toilet in the finished part of the basement, flooding that room, which is also our laundry room. It seeped out to the carpet in the adjoining room. We think that flooded because the drain in the unfinished part was plugged, and it had no where else to go. So, a man came out and snaked the drain, basically. There is a shrub right next to the house, and it is the reason for the drain backing up. There are roots from that shrub growing into the pipe. So, it was fixed.
Then, on Saturday, it happened again, this time it wasn't clean water. Nasty, I know. And this time, it was only in the unfinished basement part. The man who fixed it last week came back out and fixed the drain, yanking out several shrub roots. I was really sick that day (because of the meds I am taking), so I spent a lot of time in bed. But C told me that they found lots of roots. The man said he would keep coming back out until we get it fixed permanently this Spring.
I told my sister that the shrub and several next to it are going bye-bye, and that I will plant flowers in their honor.
It happened for a reason. I can't think negatively about it. I can't say, "What else could go wrong?" Because it's life, and things like this happen.
29 days until Spring. I am ready for warmer weather, for creating my garden, and the lots of around-the-house projects that await us. They include: installing patio doors in our dining room and taking out the double windows, closing up the door in the kitchen (because the patio doors will be the entry way now), taking out the shrubs, and other various outside projects.
A lot of people are sick of the snow, of the nasty cold temperatures we have had, sick of not seeing the sun numerous days. It's caused havoc everywhere. But I refuse to think negatively about it. A person can't. There isn't anything we can do about the weather, it comes and goes as it pleases. There is a reason for it to happen, and God knows the reason why he gave us all the snow.
That brings me to another thing not to be negative about.
When we bought our house in August, within 3 days of moving in, our unfinished basement had water coming through the drain. A lot. So C and my Dad plugged it, and we went on our merry way. Until last Wednesday morning. I was in the shower, and C told me to get out, because we had water in the basement. It came from the toilet in the finished part of the basement, flooding that room, which is also our laundry room. It seeped out to the carpet in the adjoining room. We think that flooded because the drain in the unfinished part was plugged, and it had no where else to go. So, a man came out and snaked the drain, basically. There is a shrub right next to the house, and it is the reason for the drain backing up. There are roots from that shrub growing into the pipe. So, it was fixed.
Then, on Saturday, it happened again, this time it wasn't clean water. Nasty, I know. And this time, it was only in the unfinished basement part. The man who fixed it last week came back out and fixed the drain, yanking out several shrub roots. I was really sick that day (because of the meds I am taking), so I spent a lot of time in bed. But C told me that they found lots of roots. The man said he would keep coming back out until we get it fixed permanently this Spring.
I told my sister that the shrub and several next to it are going bye-bye, and that I will plant flowers in their honor.
It happened for a reason. I can't think negatively about it. I can't say, "What else could go wrong?" Because it's life, and things like this happen.
29 days until Spring. I am ready for warmer weather, for creating my garden, and the lots of around-the-house projects that await us. They include: installing patio doors in our dining room and taking out the double windows, closing up the door in the kitchen (because the patio doors will be the entry way now), taking out the shrubs, and other various outside projects.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
A New Year...
Happy New Year!
I rang in the new year with a nice chest cold. It actually started on Saturday. I woke up with it, coughing, and feeling very yucky. I had no symptoms before that except a stuffed nose, but I almost always have a stuffy nose due to sinus/allergies. So that I am used to. So, anyways, there I was, preparing for our last Christmas this year, and it was even hosted at our new house. All I wanted to do was go back to bed, I was so miserable. I am pretty certain I had a fever that day, as I kept saying that it was incredibly warm in my house. It just so happened to be around 40 degrees outside anyway, but I swore it was so hot in my house. I ended up opening some windows and sitting near one of them for quite awhile.
The last of our guests left Sunday. I had plans to take down my Christmas decorations, but after I came down with the nasty chest cold, I decided to just rest. I finally felt a little better to take the Christmas decorations down yesterday. Still coughing. Strangely, I developed a more stuffed nose and a sore throat yesterday. I thought that was odd, since I usually get those first.While I don't like being sick, I am grateful to be on break, and to be able to recuperate at home.
A lot of people make resolutions. I even have made them in the past. However, I tend not to stick to them after awhile. I decided to do something different this year. Instead, I will make goals and things/people I want to focus more on in this year.
Without further ado, here are my goals/what I want to focus more on:
1. My relationship with God. It falters at times. I want to pray more, read the bible more, go to church more.
2. Doing more for others/giving back. I do a lot now, but I don't want to lose sight of that. A perfect example is my nephew. We were at the grocery store once, and he thought some older woman needed help. So he asked me first if he could ask her if she needed help. My heart warmed at the thought. So he asked her. I don't think she necessarily realized that he wanted to help her, but she was still kind to him. We all need to be more like him in our lives. He is such a great example of doing for others/giving back.
3. Take photographs more. I used to take a ton of photographs where ever I went. Sadly, I got away from it, all because of a stupid comment someone made over 5 years ago. That person told me I took way too many photos of the exact same thing. It was of foothills in Arizona, by the way. I let that comment get the best of me. I have always loved taking photographs, so I need to get back into it.
4a. Run more. Once I get over being sick, I am going back to running. I enjoy it. There is something about it that soothes me. Not only do I have a goal to run more, I have a goal to run more 5k's. I ran 2 this past year- two more than any year. Heck, I had never ran a 5k until 2013 anyway, so that's an accomplishment in itself. My first 5k I came in 36:39. That was an amazing time! It was super cold that day in April. Then, I ran another 5k on Thanksgiving. I ran it in 34:27. I beat my previous time by 2 minutes, 12 seconds. That was my goal that day. My goal now is to run in even less time by next 5k, and I know I can do it. I am super competitive, but only towards myself. I see something and think, "I can do that, too!"
4b. Coinciding with running more is being more physically and actively fit. I want to be in better shape for ME.
4c. Also with this, I want to continue to lose weight. I want to start with small goal weights and go from there. My mentality is "I can, so I will!"
5. I want to learn to knit. Laugh all you want, peeps! But seriously. I once had a roommate in college who knit all the time, and she was only 19. I was interested, but definitely couldn't hang. So I don't know how to knit. My goal this year is to teach myself how to knit.
6. (This one follows #5) Learning to crochet. I know very basic crochet. Very basic. As in, use the same pattern (which isn't much) to create blankets and scarves. So, I want to learn to crochet more. My grandmother on my Dad's side was big into crochet. I have many things she has made, including a blanket, barbie clothes, and Christmas decorations.
7. This also follows #5 and 6. I have knitting looms. So I plan to use those more as well this coming year. I want to use both the knitting needles for #5 and the knitting looms as well.
8. Do more drawings and paintings. I need to get back into my Zentangles more. Even if it's 5 minutes a day. I also want to do more oil paintings. However, that will take more than just 5 minutes a day. Art makes me happy.
9. Cook more, eat out less. Not that we eat out a whole lot as it is, but I just need do cook more. I enjoy cooking and baking. I need to get better about planning meals.
10. Do more once I get home. Sometimes I am so tired when I get home that I don't want to do anything. It's time to get out of that mindset and push myself further by doing more.
11. Spend more time with those I love and spend more time with friends.
12. *just added* I want to learn to be more of a gardener. I want to grow my own veggie garden and also care for any plants indoors and out. I want to gain knowledge in the ones that I have, starting with my peace lily I received almost 3 years ago. It hasn't bloomed in 2.5 years, and I just read up in why it hadn't. So hopefully this spring and summer, it will bloom now.
If I think of things, I will add them to my list. :) In a year from now, I want to come back to my list of goals, and know that I have hit them all.
I rang in the new year with a nice chest cold. It actually started on Saturday. I woke up with it, coughing, and feeling very yucky. I had no symptoms before that except a stuffed nose, but I almost always have a stuffy nose due to sinus/allergies. So that I am used to. So, anyways, there I was, preparing for our last Christmas this year, and it was even hosted at our new house. All I wanted to do was go back to bed, I was so miserable. I am pretty certain I had a fever that day, as I kept saying that it was incredibly warm in my house. It just so happened to be around 40 degrees outside anyway, but I swore it was so hot in my house. I ended up opening some windows and sitting near one of them for quite awhile.
The last of our guests left Sunday. I had plans to take down my Christmas decorations, but after I came down with the nasty chest cold, I decided to just rest. I finally felt a little better to take the Christmas decorations down yesterday. Still coughing. Strangely, I developed a more stuffed nose and a sore throat yesterday. I thought that was odd, since I usually get those first.While I don't like being sick, I am grateful to be on break, and to be able to recuperate at home.
A lot of people make resolutions. I even have made them in the past. However, I tend not to stick to them after awhile. I decided to do something different this year. Instead, I will make goals and things/people I want to focus more on in this year.
Without further ado, here are my goals/what I want to focus more on:
1. My relationship with God. It falters at times. I want to pray more, read the bible more, go to church more.
2. Doing more for others/giving back. I do a lot now, but I don't want to lose sight of that. A perfect example is my nephew. We were at the grocery store once, and he thought some older woman needed help. So he asked me first if he could ask her if she needed help. My heart warmed at the thought. So he asked her. I don't think she necessarily realized that he wanted to help her, but she was still kind to him. We all need to be more like him in our lives. He is such a great example of doing for others/giving back.
3. Take photographs more. I used to take a ton of photographs where ever I went. Sadly, I got away from it, all because of a stupid comment someone made over 5 years ago. That person told me I took way too many photos of the exact same thing. It was of foothills in Arizona, by the way. I let that comment get the best of me. I have always loved taking photographs, so I need to get back into it.
4a. Run more. Once I get over being sick, I am going back to running. I enjoy it. There is something about it that soothes me. Not only do I have a goal to run more, I have a goal to run more 5k's. I ran 2 this past year- two more than any year. Heck, I had never ran a 5k until 2013 anyway, so that's an accomplishment in itself. My first 5k I came in 36:39. That was an amazing time! It was super cold that day in April. Then, I ran another 5k on Thanksgiving. I ran it in 34:27. I beat my previous time by 2 minutes, 12 seconds. That was my goal that day. My goal now is to run in even less time by next 5k, and I know I can do it. I am super competitive, but only towards myself. I see something and think, "I can do that, too!"
4b. Coinciding with running more is being more physically and actively fit. I want to be in better shape for ME.
4c. Also with this, I want to continue to lose weight. I want to start with small goal weights and go from there. My mentality is "I can, so I will!"
5. I want to learn to knit. Laugh all you want, peeps! But seriously. I once had a roommate in college who knit all the time, and she was only 19. I was interested, but definitely couldn't hang. So I don't know how to knit. My goal this year is to teach myself how to knit.
6. (This one follows #5) Learning to crochet. I know very basic crochet. Very basic. As in, use the same pattern (which isn't much) to create blankets and scarves. So, I want to learn to crochet more. My grandmother on my Dad's side was big into crochet. I have many things she has made, including a blanket, barbie clothes, and Christmas decorations.
7. This also follows #5 and 6. I have knitting looms. So I plan to use those more as well this coming year. I want to use both the knitting needles for #5 and the knitting looms as well.
8. Do more drawings and paintings. I need to get back into my Zentangles more. Even if it's 5 minutes a day. I also want to do more oil paintings. However, that will take more than just 5 minutes a day. Art makes me happy.
9. Cook more, eat out less. Not that we eat out a whole lot as it is, but I just need do cook more. I enjoy cooking and baking. I need to get better about planning meals.
10. Do more once I get home. Sometimes I am so tired when I get home that I don't want to do anything. It's time to get out of that mindset and push myself further by doing more.
11. Spend more time with those I love and spend more time with friends.
12. *just added* I want to learn to be more of a gardener. I want to grow my own veggie garden and also care for any plants indoors and out. I want to gain knowledge in the ones that I have, starting with my peace lily I received almost 3 years ago. It hasn't bloomed in 2.5 years, and I just read up in why it hadn't. So hopefully this spring and summer, it will bloom now.
If I think of things, I will add them to my list. :) In a year from now, I want to come back to my list of goals, and know that I have hit them all.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
A Rambling…
I don’t even know where I am going with this post, quite a few thoughts just rolled into 1 tonight.
1. I’m super protective of using sun screen when I am outside. I am pale and burn pretty easily as it is without it. In high school, it was the "cool” thing to turn to the tanning beds. Not me, even then, I wanted no part of tanning beds. I knew enough them about skin care/skin cancer that I didn’t want to risk it. And yet, I won’t put sunscreen on my feet, forearms, or face just to see what tan lines I can get. Odd, I know.
2. I have realized how much I love to garden. Love, love, love. I picked a plastic grocery bag full of green beans tonight. It’s nice knowing where my food comes from. If I can, I want to grow it myself. If I can’t, I want to buy locally produced who don’t use chemicals.
3. Because of the above, I do plan on having a garden at our new place.
4. New place? Did you read that correctly? You did! We are in the process of buying a house right now. I go from being incredibly excited to getting incredibly scared and nervous. It’s an amazing house in an amazing location. Just the money issues are what scares me. I’m keeping mum on what I know about the house until more of it goes through.
5. In said new house, I get to have my very own craft room. YES! I plan to make it mine by the color choices I will use. I can’t wait to have my own studio space again. It’s been killing me not being able to use my materials.
6. I chopped my hair off a month ago, and I instantly regretted it. Yep. I don’t like change very well. Especially when it took a full year to grow it back out to the length that it was. However, it did need a new cut/style. I literally have to remind myself, it’s only hair. It will grow back.
7. I got sick about 3 weeks ago with a sinus cold/allergies, and I am still dealing with it. Feeling sick all the time is pretty new to me, and knowing there isn’t too much I can do for the allergy portion of it annoys me.
8. I’ve begun to lose my momentum with working out because I have been feeling crummy lately due to the cold aforementioned. I need to persevere and just get back into it.
9. I’m ready for school to start again. And I love school supplies probably just as much as art supplies.
10. I need to travel a lot more. Recently, I visited San Antonio, TX, and Green Bay, WI. Loved both of those, but definitely spent more time in TX that trip. I will expound on that more in another post.
And those are my ramblings for the night.
Toodles!
Monday, July 8, 2013
Movin' On!
C and I have been actively house hunting since last month. We at first said months ago that we would wait another year (meaning summer 2014) in this rental house. Then, we came to a decision to start looking for a house of our own. A big reason being, this place is small for the two of us. We have no room to spread out. I feel like every room has some clutter to it because there is no room. I have been telling people it's like the house threw up on itself. No room to go anywhere.
We found this gorgeous house. 4 bedroom, 2 full bath, a half bath. It has enough room to grow, enough room to spread out, and breathe. We put in an offer, it was rejected. We tried again, and it was countered. We accepted, and now we wait for everything to go through.
It's a nerve-wracking, but exciting experience at the same time. But at least we not have to move for a long time!
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
A Look Back To Where I Have Been
It's no secret that I faced some incredibly hard stuff a few years ago. For me, to face what I faced, it was incredibly hard. Mainly because I kept it to myself for over a year before I finally told my family. I didn't want to burden anyone with it, and part of me was too proud, too stubborn in thinking that I could take care of it myself. I kept thinking that it would get better. It never did. In fact, it got so bad at one point, I was ready and willing to end my life. It was also was so bad that I feared for my safety.
Finally, I decided either I was going to change myself or stay in that position. But I had to do it myself, no one could do it for me. No one swayed my decision. And it was a tough decision to make. But I did make a choice, and I never looked back on that choice with regret. If anything, I have looked on that decision with reflection. I have walked many, many miles to get where I am today.
I love the life I lead. It has opened so many awesome doors for me. That I credibly hard stuff a few years ago taught me a lot about myself. It was a huge learning experience. While it was painful, I am ever so thankful for it. It made me appreciate the people in my life so much more. But mostly, it helped me blossom into the person I am today.
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