A Walk Down Memory Lane

In preparation for C's arrival, I have been condensing things in my apartment. Either I am putting things in totes to put in storage, or they are being given away/being sold at a garage sale. I have a couple of totes that have items from my childhood in them. One of the totes has graduation cards from high school, my cap and gown, and other mementos from high school. I went through my graduation cards (I can only surmise that I kept them because it was people in my life?) this afternoon. I kept those from very close friends, my grandparents, and some family. What struck me as sad is that as I went through them, I found about a handful from people who have passed away in the last decade- a couple passed away within a year of my graduating high school.

I have started to go through my clothes again, but haven't gotten very far. I need to get a couple more totes to put more items from my childhood in. I think I'm giving my parents my very nice desk/hutch combo that I just bought a year ago. I haven't used it in months, plus it's taking up space in the living room. I wanted to move it upstairs, but it's incredibly heavy. I'll put my office items in a three-drawer cabinet, using the art desk I already have set up stairs. It will free up just a bit more room for us both. Because I don't have a lot of pantry space (a huge annoyance!), all of the food items are currently taking up the 1 shelf, and using the 3-tiered metal shelf I have in there. I'm going to go through books that I have in the spare bedroom, box up what I don't want to keep out and put in storage, and use the 2 small bookcases for storing food on. At least, 1 of those will fit for sure in the pantry.

C and I were talking the other day about our items. He doesn't have a lot of kitchen items- which is a plus for me. He is bringing his 2 computers, a printer, his living room furniture, 2 small entertainment centers, a bed, frame and headboard, and that might be it. He doesn't have a lot in general, but I want him to feel that it is his place as well as mine. Plus, when I moved in, I knew I would be there by a year by myself. Although, I didn't know if we would be moving or not.

I finally got my KitchenAid all set up- it only took me almost 6 months. :) I didn't have room before and now I do. I just need to order a cover for it. Currently, I am on Amazon looking for one that I like that goes with my theme in the kitchen. That, and trying to find something close to the colors I have in there- I wish I had thought to check the place where I got them from a few months ago. I really like the colors I picked out.

All in good time. :)

Happy Birthday!

Today, my Escape turns 1!

Well, it's not really a year old, but I bought it a year ago today! I remember sitting in the salesman's office, signing papers, excited to finally have it. And it's been a great year. It has taken me out to Virginia to see C, to meet C in Gatlinburg, to work many times, and to top it- even my Grandmother likes it! I think, if she could drive more, she would be driving it.

So, anyways, I've put about 12,000 miles on it in the year that I've had it. I hit 10,000 just before our trip to Gatlinburg. I may be putting on 1,600 more by the end of the month, if I take it to go out and help C move back home.

I'm still in awe of the fact that in just 2 short weeks from tomorrow, we will be on our way home, to my apartment again. This time, we'll be sleeping in the same bed. I'm still in awe that the entire last year flew by. I do remember where I was a year ago, wondering when/if he'd be coming back.

I'm anxious for this, ready for it to happen. The closer we get, the more impatient I get. Although, the more nauseated and stressed I get. See, we have been looking into renting houses. As well as C finding a job. Neither are in our favor yet, and I'm making myself sick over it. I think the biggest thing I feel is that I don't want to let him down.

This is going to mean changes to our relationship. Not bad ones, but ones where we bot have to get used to being around each other more than a few days at a time. I'll have to get used to his snoring (he says I do, but NO! He does!), he'll have to get used to the fact that I rarely sleep without blankets (I like to be all bundled up), that I try not to waste things, etc. But all in all, we pretty much know how each other is, so it's not like this will be a huge shock.

I love my mom, but sometimes she'll say things like, "well, you know, this isn't contractual. If it doesn't work out, then you aren't out anything." I just look at her and think, "after 3 years, you have to say this?" Like she thinks it won't work out. They like C, so I don't get why she says this. Or tries to push houses on me after I have told her time and time again, "We are not ready for that yet. I am not ready for that yet. I can dream, but I know where I am at with finances and I don't feel comfortable taking that on on my own. Plus, he doesn't have a job just yet and we don't know where he will find one at." I literally just told her this tonight. I love her, but when she says things like this (and the above start of this paragraph), it bugs the crap out of me.

How did me talking about my Escape turn into this? Ugh, sorry. It was all on my mind. It will all be okay, I know. I'm going to bed, lots to do tomorrow to get my apartment ready for my man and his stuff! :D

Branching Out

I have decided that I am going to take the initiative to become more involved in the arts. Not that I'm not already, I just need to do more things for me that are art related. Specifically, it involves my Zentangles. I have begun to draw more and more of them in the last few months. This is something I enjoy, something that makes me feel better whenever anything is bothering me. I want to push myself further, want to take it to the next level, and begin to sell pieces to people. Sure, not everyone wants to buy then, but I don't solely create art for them. I create it for myself, and if someone wants to buy something that was a piece of me, and my life, then so be it. :)

I definitely need to post more pictures to either this site or my Facebook. Actually, I need to create a Facebook site just for that, so I can let others view them. I'll think about that one for awhile. Now, to change my background image on here.

Ouch! The Pain! Ack!

That's pretty much my vocabulary the last couple of days. I am pretty positive I have TMD in my jaw. I think it's been with me for a few years now, but the last couple of days it has been really bad. By that, I mean, it's up by my ear, feels like I have an earache- which I never get.

I am miserable, not eating a lot, or talking a lot if I can help it. There are some things I can do for it, which I will be doing. This explains why I always get sore when in the dentist's chair.My mouth is incredibly small.

Sa-Sa-Saturday

Hello, lovelies!

I hope you are all having a great Saturday evening.

I just took a dose of Imitrex, my headache medicine, for the first time in about 3 months. I haven't had to use it, but this headache is pretty nasty. Oh, I've still gotten headaches, but those have been more tolerable. This one is not. I ended up falling asleep for about 2 hours, and when I woke up, the headache was still there. The Imitrex made me feel funny not long after I first took it. I got really hot and felt like I was going to get sick. Which is when I decided to lay down for a bit. I must have ran out of asprin, so I had to go get some. I took it almost an hour ago, and strangest thing- the headache is pretty much gone now.

Other than the headache, it's been a good day. C was here a week ago (left this past Monday), and it was so nice to have him here. He is done in the military, last official day is coming up soon. I cannot believe it has almost been year since he has been back. I was reflecting on that today. It seems like yesterday, in a way. I remember the warmth of last June, of being at the hotel in Virginia, staying out there for 2-3 weeks in his apartment. I will miss Virginia, but I will not miss the distance. It will be nice having us both in the same place for more than a few days or weeks.

And actually, it's time for me to let the cat out of the bag.

We're moving in together. Everyone knows, we've talked to our parents about it. His were just a little more accepting than mine were, but it's like we have talked about (my mom and I)- they know him, they know his family.

We do already know what each other is like, but not on an every day basis.

So, in about a month, my apartment will be different. We decided to stay here for the next year, in case he gets a job in another state.

I Haven't Forgotten You

I am still up, because I wasn't tired yet and my mind was thinking other things. I just looked at the tine and almost to the minute, it has been 4 years since my grandfather passed away. I remember it all like it was yesterday.

I had gone to spend time with a friend, and her friend on the 26th. They were both getting married, so we ran some errands. I came back to my grandpa's hospital room later that night, and he had told my grandma and my cousin he was ready to go.

I guess it didn't really register with me (I still denied it/accepted it up until he passes away) until the next morning at breakfast after church when they were talking about him being ready to go. We got to the hospital, ANC everyone else talked to people in the lobby. I wanted to see him- partly for my own closure. I walked up the 3 flights of stairs by myself and went into his room. I held his hand like I had done numerous times before, noticed how soft they were. I squeezed his hand z d told him I loved him. Silently, I was begging him to squeeze my hand. And then he did, saying clear as a bell that he loved me, too. I carry that with me to this day.

My dad told me that he knew grandpa was getting ready to go, because his breathing changed as did his skin colo. I was so focused on denying that it was actually happening that I missed those details. After all, he had been at death's door before and came back to us.

I have tried not to think about it all week. But now that the minute is approaching, and I am not doing anything else to occupy my mind, I am thinking about it. When the phone rang at 2:52 that morning, I knew. I knew we either didn't have much time or he had already passed. The nurse called to say he was taking his final breaths and to get there as soon as possible. So I called my sister, woke get up and told her to get to the hospital. We were there within 10 minutes, and he hac passed not long after that call.

Even though he wasn't the grandpa I knew the 4 years leading up to his death, I still have many great memories of my grandfather. I don't cry often anymore, but right now for sure. Even though it has been 4 years, it doesn't make the pain go away, nor does it lessen the memories I do have.

At the moment, I want my mom. I know I can't take away her pain, and she can't take away mine, but we will have each other to lean on. I have to go to bed. My head hurts from crying, my heart aches, and I am just ready to go to sleep right now. Maybe I will dream of him.

Wherever you are, poppy, know that you are still loved and missed every single day.

Zentangles!

I have some new tangles to post! It is my hope to one dag go to their conference. I just need to dream it, plan it, do it.