Oh, the places we go

C and I made our way to Virginia last night. It was a great trip, with minimal traffic until we got outside Richmond. The weather is nicer down here than at home. Rainy today, but still nicer! I cannot drive a manual car, so he was the driver and I was his faithful passenger/sidekick. We joked abut a lot of things, talked about rings (woot!), and just had a great time together.

“Sexiest Women of All Time”

http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/hottest-women-all-time

That’s the article declaring the list of women, who are the sexiest women of all time. Apparently.

See, I feel this is a misnomer.

If you happen to look at the list, it’s women from the past 100 years. So Men’s Health really cannot claim they are the sexiest women of all time. Because we will never know.

Just my 2 cents.

And yes, it is bugging me.

Headache City

I started out about 6 years ago with a nasty headache every so often. I can remember one particular time that it was literally on one half of my head. Over the years, the headaches began coming monthly. I attributed it to a surge in hormones. I have read that it can trigger headaches.

When these headaches would start, it was a dull ache. Over the past few years, I have recognized the signs and to take something right away if it was available. If not, the headache would become a horrible pounding. I would get nauseated, but not sick. Whenever these headaches occur, all I want to do is sleep. Usually, sleep will knock out most of the pain.

I remember a hot, sunny day last October, and I got the start of a headache. I attributed it to being I. The sunny weather, and drank as much water as I could. I didn't have anything on me to take for my headache, so I just took on the pain. I was camping with my family that weekend, and had to drive 2 hours by myself that night to get home. It was so bad that I prayed that I got home safely.

I can usually predict when the next headache will occur. Like clockwork, it has been pretty regular. Last month, I noticed I did not get one at the regular time. So I was doing a happy dance on the inside, celebrating the fact that I didn't have a headache.

I spoke too soon. Not only did I get one within day's of me noticing, I also got 3 more. Plus nausea with it. Those 4 days were awful.

So, then last week, I ended November with a nasty headache and started December with one. This time, dizziness accompanied the headaches. I finally decided I needed to call the doctor to make an appointment. C asked what took me so long. I was hopeful that I could take care of them on my own. But I can't anymore. It's affecting my life.

Yesterday was the latest headache. I was fine until 6 last night and then BAM! It knocked into me, made me feel funny, get dizzy, and have nausea. I felt like I could collapse at any given moment.

I've had a couple of nights where I wish I didn't live alone. Last night being one of them. I was scared that something would happen to me. I called C and cried on the phone to him , because I was so scared. Eventually, I calmed down. We talked about things, kind of took my mind off if it. When we got off the phone, I fought the nausea/dizziness, rolled over and fell asleep until 5 this morning.

I am scared. It's hard not to be when the headaches are getting worse. But hopefully I have some answers Monday afternoon.

So Incredibly Thankful

It's hard to believe that about 6 months ago, we had no idea if/when C was coming home. It was all up in the air, big time. As I reflect on what I am thankful for this Thanksgiving, he is one of the most people I am thankful for. This is his first Thanksgiving home in about 3-4 years, let alone his first holiday on the actual date in just that many years.

If he wasn't here, we would have made it work, like we always have. But given everything that has happened, I am so incredibly thankful he is here to share it with us. My goal was to go down there for Thanksgiving, and his family got on board with it. We are all going to spend time with him, which makes me so happy.

I am so thankful to have him in my life. He is everything I never knew I wanted.

Christmas Wreath

I am posting my wire hanger Christmas wreaths. I found it on pinterest and thought I would do my own.

Step 1: get a wire hanger and bend it into a circle.

Step 2: hot glue all the ends of the caps to ensure they stay in place.

Step 3: untwist the hanger part to put the ornaments on. You can use different sizes of ornaments, but I wanted them all the same size.

Step 4: put the ornaments on how you want them, sliding them on the hanger via their little hook.

Step 5: hot glue the ornaments to your liking.

(this is where I am so far.)

Christmas

This year, I am giving homemade gifts. I just cannot afford to go spend lots of money on people. I feel better about giving homemade gifts. So far, I am working on a ceramic tile and a candle warmer. Both are being zentangled using paint pens. I have been wanting to zentangle on ceramic tiles for awhile now, but didn't know what to use. I hit the idea from a blog post of a CZT last night. As of now, this is what both projects look like.

*update*
I messed up on both, but fixed the candle holder.

Update 2: I finished a DIY dry erase calendar using paint chip samples, tape, some tacky glue, and a 16x20 frame. For the first one ever, it's okay. There are things I would do different for the next time.

I also am getting ready to make a n ornament wreath. So I have included pics of that so far.

Update 3: I have hot glued 18 ornaments to the wire hanger. I am all out of ornaments until I get more.

A Sad Goodbye

A former teacher of mine, who just happened to be my 4th grade teacher found out she had cancer a few months ago. At that time, they didn’t give her long to live. When I had her as a teacher, she was probably early 60’s.

Through out the years, I stayed in contact with her. She came to my high school graduation party, and I saw her off and on after that. She was such an amazing teacher, one who truly enjoyed what he did. I will always remember her for being so positive, upbeat, friendly, kind, caring, warm to her students. She truly was a teacher you went to. We all loved her.

When she passed away, I cried. She is a part of why I became a teacher. Her dedication to her students, to doing what she loved is a testament to us all. Her memorial was yesterday. I went with my dad and sister. Not only was she my teacher, she was also my neighbor down the road, and my dad grew up with her children.

While at the memorial, I was looking at a book on a table that said to leave a memory of her. I happened to look down and I saw a bunch of letters that students had written to her over the years. I was half-hoping, half-wondering if I’d find a letter from me. And it just so happens that I did. I read what I wrote back to my sister, and she kind of laughed at times at the 4th grade handwriting and language that I used. In it, I basically thanked her for being a really great teacher. I told her she would always be my favorite teacher, no matter what grade I went to (and now, where I am at in life). I told her she was the best teacher in the world.

The things I wrote of back then- are the same things I basically still think about to this day. They still hold true. She left her footprints on many students’ hearts, mine included. While we lost a truly great teacher down here, Heaven gained a very amazing teacher up there.

How Do You Decide?

My sister is going through a bunch of her childhood personal items. They have been in storage in a room they weren’t using for anything but that. The room is now being turned into a bedroom for my oldest nephew. She wasn’t sure of what to get rid of, and so she posed the question the other day, “How do you decide what to keep and what to get rid of?”

I know how she feels, because I have to do the same thing. It’s not that I hold onto that stuff- things from my childhood because I think I’m going to decorate my apartment with it. No, I keep it because I think, “What if I someday have a daughter? Some of this could go in her room.” And part of it is because I don’t know what was my grandmother’s (now deceased), or what my parents had given me as a gift when I was a child. I asked my mom to sit down with me someday and go through it all. I’m sure it will still be hard, but it will be needed. It’s just taking up space that could be used for other things.

It is a tough choice, deciding what to get rid of, and deciding what stays. The same goes with Facebook. I go through my friends’ list every so often and ask myself, “How do I know who stays and who goes?” I hate offending anyone, but at the same time, if we don’t interact, there is no point in being friends.

I'm not the type of person that keeps people on Facebook just to see what they are doing in life. I use it as a way of keeping in touch with people, but I don’t want that to be my only form of communication with them. For most, I communicate with them in life, as well. I do have classmates on there that I thought would be nice to keep in touch with. Have I, though? No. So I just went through my friends list, and deleted anyone that I haven’t talked to in quite a long time. I feel bad about doing it (at least one was a good friend at one time-but we haven’t spoken in quite awhile), but it’s just unnecessary people knowing more about things in my life. I don’t mean to say it that way, but it’s true. And I’m okay with a smaller list. I don’t need to have everyone on my list, anyway.

My mom and I were just talking about that last night. It’s scary how much people put out there on Facebook- not something I am trying to do. However, I do know I take lots of pictures of my nephews. Mostly, it’s for my mom and sis, who aren’t as familiar as I am with uploading pictures. I think I will eventually edit some out. Just way too many pictures of them out there.

Facing Fear

In life, there are certain things that we always fear. But we are all programmed differently, so that we don’t all fear the same thing-s-. (Side note, every time I tried to put the s in parentheses, it gave me a moon, and I didn’t want that. )

I do believe we are meant to face those fears at some point in our lives. For awhile, I had a fear of death. Then my Grandfather died, and I stopped fearing the unknown. I began to be okay with death. Because it’s not a final goodbye. I will see my loved ones again.

Another fear I have is spiders.

As I sit here and type, I am not sure if a small one went into my laptop or not. He came down from the ceiling and I swatted him, and now I am not sure where he went. Normally, I’d be away from here, refusing to return until he made HIS return. I have chills at the moment just thinking about him. That always happens when I see a spider. However, I am facing my fear and sitting here.

Or, I used to be afraid of thunderstorms, always thinking that storm would lead to something worse. Don’t get me wrong, when we had bad weather this summer, it was scary. But I wasn’t afraid. I stopped fearing storms a few years ago. I don’t really like them, but I can deal with them a lot better.

I think when I was younger and afraid of certain things, it didn’t allow me to enjoy other things in life. By facing my fears, I have found a new appreciation for things in life, I have gained strength. I may not like something, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t do it, push myself to get around that fear so I am not afraid anymore.

Change, change, change

This really is the year of big changes!

One of the changes I am making is my hair. I have grown it out since 2005/2006. I have had hair trims since then, but not an actual cut. Over the past year and a half, I have cut 3 inches off each time I have gone to get my hair done. Since I don’t go that often, it has been 9 inches in that time.

Goodness! If you can imagine what my hair is like now, just imagine 9 more inches added on! It would be way too long!

About 5 weeks ago, I set up my hair appointment for this month, hoping I could get in before our pictures were taken last Friday. Unfortunately, I could not, so the date is tomorrow.

Dun, dun dun!

I look forward to it so much. I’m not cutting off 3 inches this time. But about 6-8, depending on everything. I love the length it is at (most times), I just cannot curl it anymore and expect it to stay. Or when I do attempt to use the curlers to curl it, the curlers will pop out because it becomes thicker when wrapped around the curlers. And that was something I used to enjoy doing- curling my hair.

Normally, I am apprehensive when I do anything with my hair- have been for the past 6 years. But for the first time in these 6 years, I am fully looking forward to this. I have toyed with the possibility of going even shorter, but I think a gradual change is needed first.

I wore this headband in my hair today. It’s a very thin one that I normally wear when I either have my hair half up, or in a braid. Today, it was all down. I’ve taken it out twice today, because sometimes the back of my hair would come out of it. When I took it out a bit ago to get ready for bed, I came across this huge, huge, huge knot. Or several knots. The headband couldn’t come out because of the knots. At first, I was worried that I wouldn’t get the knots out without breaking more hair. I started slowly running my brush through my hair, working the tangles. It didn’t take long, but they did come out eventually. As I was doing that, I thought to myself, “Yet another reason why I am so glad that I am cutting it tomorrow.”

The tangles are getting bad. I use conditioner, but it doesn’t seem to help that much right when I get out of the shower. So hopefully after tomorrow, it will be better! Can’t wait to show you all!

Randoms

Today (the 9th) is my brother’s birthday. I know we don’t celebrate with you, big bro, but Happy Birthday anyway. It’s crazy to think we haven’t celebrated it in so long. But I am so glad you are still a part of our lives.

I realized yesterday that I have a serious problem when I lose something. Or rather, a very important thing to me. It was my USB drive. It contains tests, quizzes, worksheets, PowerPoint presentations, and other things on it that I created for my classes. And I thought I lost it. Or left it with C. So I began getting anxiety and just hoping it would be found. I was literally calm for 5 minutes on my way to school yesterday, thinking it was in my backpack. When it wasn’t found, I got more anxiety. I didn’t stop thinking about that thing until 24 hours later, when I found it this morning before I headed to school again.

C is a fantastic cook. I can’t tell you everything, because he thinks people will make fun of him. Two people do know what he made, and they both agree that it’s something he should be proud of.

I loved it when I was visiting him. We took turns cooking, cooking together, doing the dishes, cleaning, etc. Well, I did the laundry, only because I had more time on my hands.  

My dad and I were driving up to my brother’s earlier, and this turkey literally flew over my dad’s truck. So I told C about it, and he thought I was nuts. He didn’t believe me that it was a turkey, and thought it was some other bird instead. It turns out, it was a turkey after all.  

Okay, enough random ramblings for the night!

These Dreams…

Heart anyone? Anyone?  

I have had a few teaching dreams for the past month, more so in the past week. The first one I had, it was the first day of school. I was with 6th graders, but I was teaching RRT. I don’t have any clue as to what that is, and I do remember being confused in my dream.

The second one happened earlier this week, about my co-workers, I believe. Not a bad dream, we were just talking like we always do.

The 3rd dream was me showing C around the building (colored rooms, etc.) We didn’t get to my room before I woke up.

The 4th dream was me not only teaching art, but Algebra to unruly high school students. I had to get really stern with one of my students in the dream.

The last dream I had was early this morning. I forgot my P.E. clothes at home, and I was hoping that none of the students would notice that I wouldn’t be able to do P.E. that day. That one was kind of a weird dream for me.

I do wonder if I will have another one tomorrow morning. As time draws nearer, I am getting more and more anxious, more excited, and nervous. Just a little nervous, but really excited. I can’t wait to get in my room and set it up!

Can’t Wrap My Head Around It

I’ve got zucchini bread in the oven. It came from my parents’ garden. I told my Dad that I’d make them some. I was given 2 large zucchini (is there a plural to this?) and my Mom told me it would make a lot. I really think it will make 8 loaves total. Just given what I already know.  

Anyway, while that’s baking, I thought I’d take a moment to blog.

I know there is evil in this world. Unfortunately. However, I just can’t fathom myself ever harming another person- in any way, shape, or form. Are some people made to be that way? Has society played a role in it? I can’t imagine it, I really can’t.

A little over a week ago, a man not far from here went missing. His roommates told police that he just up and left. I guess as they were talking to the roommates, they began to suspect foul play. I’ve read two different articles in the paper about it- one last Saturday (after they found a body and were going to do an autopsy) and then one yesterday, after more of the story was being released to the media.

Two men and a woman are in jail right now. One of the men and the woman are 20 years old. The other man is 25. He is the one who wants a quick and speedy trial so he can go back to prison. Yes, that is correct. He was just released from a correctional facility about 3-ish months ago, and now wants this over with so he can go back.

The man that they killed, he was letting them stay in his apartment. First, it was the woman, whom he introduced to his family as the woman he was dating for only a month. She then introduced him to the two men. This man would do anything for anyone, to help them out. But from what I have read, I think he had enough of them, and had asked them to leave prior to them murdering him.

We don’t know the why yet, but they did hurt him. Then, bound him when he was still alive, drove to another house where one of the murderers has been to before, grabbed some tools, and tool this innocent man out into the country. They placed a bag over him and hit him with the tools. The woman egged the two men on, saying they hit like girls. She’s the one who told them to place the man in a fetal position in a shallow grave. They placed cornstalks and dirt over the grave and left.

The two men returned a day later with paint thinner that one of them had stolen from a hardware store. They dug up the grave and poured it over the body. The coroner has said that the man has burns consistent to what they have said.

How could anyone do that to someone? You may not like them, but is harming them, killing them the answer? The obvious answer to that one is no. I just don’t understand it. Not only is it morally and ethically wrong, but the Bible also tells us it is wrong. How can someone do that and think it’s okay? Did they not grow up believing in what is taught to us in the Bible? Did they not have people in their lives that taught them right from wrong? Maybe those two questions are where the answer lies.

I didn’t know this man who was murdered, but someone lost a brother, a son, a father, a friend. Unfortunately, it goes on every day in our world. I do know that there are still good people out there- because I know quite a bit of them. However, it means we need to be more careful about what we do, who we know.

I don’t have children of my own yet, so tonight when I see my nephews, I’ll hug them. Give them more kisses, to show them that I love them and will always be looking out for them.

Whew! It’s Been Awhile

I can’t even remember the last time I blogged. Probably a month ago sometime. It’s been a very hectic month.

As soon as I got back from seeing C, I had a little over a week to start moving. I think I blogged about that, so maybe it’s been a little under a month since I last updated you all.

I feel like more than a month has passed since I came back from Virginia. It almost feels like two, to me. But at the same time, so much has kept me busy. So busy that last night when baking banana bread, I had to go out and get ingredients- TWICE in a matter of minutes. I thought I had flour and vanilla on hand. And then, when I came back and sat down, I had a moment of panic- thinking I had forgotten the dinner date I have Thursday night with a couple of friends.

That’s awful!

I’m so focused lately. On about 4 different things. I’m here, I’m there, I’m doing this, I’m doing that.

My apartment is coming along nicely. I finally have the majority of all boxes out of here. I have a few more boxes to go through, and of course all of my art supplies to go through, as well. I am waiting on a hutch that will probably be moved in after I get back from heading to Virginia next week. I am going to put my art supplies in there.

I started running again tonight. I felt great until I almost got to the end and then wanted to puke. But I stuck it out and now I feel very great!

Now, I am going to go work on some other things. Have a great night!

A Green(er) Living

I was reading a blog a couple of nights ago that talked about using distilled white vinegar when washing clothes. As in, putting a small amount of detergent and then adding a half cup of vinegar. Thus, diluting the detergent. And making it last a lot longer.

So then, I was reading yesterday other uses for vinegar. Many of them are cleaning. So I’ve decided that I will be using vinegar when I clean.

I told C about it, and he said, “Yeah, and after you leave here, I’ll go through AND actually clean it. “ To which I replied, “Haha, you’re funny!”

Last night, he informed me that women are the reason men have no money. I asked him how he figured that, and then I said that at the moment, he has more money than I do! He said, “yeah, NOW I do. But when we get married I won’t.”

He told me that after men get married, all their money goes to things for the house. “Honey, I found this really nice (insert an item that men want).” “Yeah, but we need money for something for the house.”

It was quite the funny convo.

I have to say, I am so glad that he is home. Incredibly glad. He made the comment last week that he was finally happier again. I knew that he wasn’t the happiest on the ship, but I didn’t know the extent of it. It just goes to show how much that ship sucks the life out of people, which is so sad.

Excitement

I’ve known for 5 days that I get to move into my apartment SOON. I thought it was going to be July 1st, but after talking to the property manager yesterday, she said I could move in as early as Wednesday!

Everything is set up and ready to go for the move! I have just a bit more to pack, which is mainly clothes. I’m kind of living out of a suit case between now and then.  

I took a nap earlier today, and I had a dream that I missed my flight to go see C. My connecting flight, that is. So then I was at Verizon to get a phone (no idea why I dreamt about a phone), and trying not to panic as I knew I missed my flight. I was trying to get to Dulles in Washington D.C., and I was at some parking garage.

It was a bizarre dream. And I woke up when C called to chat. I told him about me missing my flight and he said, “You have several weeks to go.” It was kind of funny.

And then we were talking about wireless routers. He’s an electronics person, so he knows all about the stuff that works the best. I told him what kind of wireless router I have, and he said his is faster. So it led into him saying that in the future, after we get married it will probably have an untimely end. I said I’d just give it to my parents, and he said he’d buy them a new one. I told him it’s been just fine since I got it about 4 years ago. He said, “It would be as if I picked out a paint color and you telling me it was not good. It’s that bad.”

He’s funny. But I love him.

Just for you

This is solely for my friend, Christina.

I want to thank you for being a truly great friend to me, and I hope that I am the same back to you. Over the past couple of years, I have gotten to know you pretty well. And I have enjoyed getting to know you. We’ve been through a lot together, we’ve shared a lot with each other.

I know we haven’t talked as much lately as we used to (meaning in the past year), but whenever we do talk, I feel as if we picked up right where we left off. That is the kind of friends we are, and something I treasure out of our friendship.

You are so strong, so courageous. Someone I admire a lot.

So thank you, for being a friend.

Yep, corny, just like the Golden Girls!

What Was I Thinking??

It’s no secret that I am back in school. I had a great first semester out of the gate. I’ve been so worried about school since May. And I’ve been worried about getting things ready for my upcoming school year.

So worried that I ended up dropping one of the 3 classes I signed up for in May, for this first summer session. That, and I really want to give that class my undivided attention, so when I take it next summer, I will have that.

At the moment, I am currently shaking my head and wondering how I’ll finish both of my first summer session classes and then move right into my 2 second summer classes.

The one class alone is overwhelming. I feel like I’m not getting it- probably because it is a self-guided course. Meaning, I have the binder of material to read, and that’s it. Nothing else. I feel lost. I feel confused. I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing.

I keep telling myself, “Oh, you can do this. You have time to focus on that, to focus on lesson planning, and to pack.” But in reality, the classes are overwhelming me. The one I can get, because it’s online, and guided by the teacher. I feel like with this other class, I feel like I am missing a lot.

I move in 11 days. I’m supposed to go to an art workshop 10 days after that. I really just need to breathe and keep telling myself that I can do this.

In Virginia!!!

Life has definitely been a whirlwind of emotions from March until now! For both C and I.

In March, Japan was hit by an earthquake, and this began his time at sea. No one knew what was going on and when his ship would be back. In April, as we were making plans for him to come home, he emailed us one Tuesday morning to say that he most likely would not be home. It definitely was not good. I began applying for jobs, with the knowledge that one may be coming my way. I didn't want to apply at other places when that was the one place I wanted to be.

In May, things with C coming home were still up and down. I finally landed the job I had been waiting for, the one I had been hoping and praying on. His birthday came and went on May 15th (which is also the birthday of my twin nephews- how neat that they share the same day?) and he wasn't here to celebrate it. He called the next weekend and said that he should be back in the states by June, no matter what. Sadly, his grandmother passed away just a few days later. Completely unexpected. We didn't know if he would be able to come home for it. We knew that it was a huge possibility that they wouldn't let him come home. But in the end, they let him come home for it. I am so glad that he got to say his final goodbyes. I know I posted that in my lost post, I believe. I am still thankful for it. Anyone who loses a loved one needs that closure. He flew back just 5 days after arriving home. We didn't know if he'd be back soon or not. But I braced myself for the possibility of not having him home until December.

I have to say, through it all, I have known we'd be okay. We have done a lot of distance since February 2009, so just a few months more wouldn't be a problem.

We entered into a new month just before he left, but I knew it could be a huge month. So I began wondering every day if he would be coming back. I woke up at 2:55 last Friday morning. I was disoriented and thinking I was in another room, which I wasn't. But I tend to do that a lot- wake up disoriented. So anyways, I was wondering if we'd hear from C that day when I suddenly got a text from him! He said he would be back in the states soon and that he would call when he landed in Dallas. I didn't fall back asleep at all. I ended up taking a nap later in the day, but I was still energized about it.

I began making plans to come out to see him. I would be making the trip alone, and I was nervous about it- because I had never driven anywhere that long by myself before. But I knew it would be worth it, just being able to spend some time with him. I left about 6-ish Saturday morning, and arrived 16-17 hours later, 870 miles, driving through 4 states, and stopping 5 times to get gas/go to the bathroom. I stopped once to take a picture of a scenic site once in Virginia. And the only time I got lost was on the way to where C told me I needed to go. So he had to tell me where to go, and stayed on the phone with me the entire time- even though he knew I was freaking out. I remained calm, though. I'm so thankful he didn't get mad or yell at me when I didn't make the turn I was supposed to.

I'm just glad that we are finally in the same time zone, he will be just an hour ahead of me. I'm thankful that I can go visit him whenever I want now (when I am on break, I mean), I can call him whenever just to talk, and things will generally be easier for us. This last year of his service should be fairly easy. Although, it will take a little adjusting. But it's all good. :)

Everything is finally coming together for us, falling into place just when it's supposed to. I've been told that good things come to those who wait, and it is definitely true!

It’s 11:11

And I did just make a wish. A very important one!

I got my SUV today! I am so glad I got it! C’s father said earlier that I was glowing, and I still am, hours later.

My bedroom furniture came today! So excited about that! It looks so nice, and I can’t wait to unpack it all in the new place. My desk arrived last Wednesday, and I picked up my entertainment center on Friday. The only things that came put together are my night stands and the dresser. Everything else (including the desk and entertainment center) need to be put together.

My coffee and end tables will be arriving next week. I don’t know if they come pre-assembled or not.

I purchased a Keurig, a stand mixer (it’s not KitchenAid, but I’m still excited about it), silverware, drinkware, Corelle dinnerware (love the colors I picked out), and some decorative stuff. I know I am missing things, but as soon as I unpack it all, I will know what it is.

I have so many boxes that it will be like unearthing new treasures after each opened box. I am really excited about my kitchen stuff, because I love kitchen gadgets.

I packed some more tonight. Well, about 8 boxes worth. The vast majority of it was clothes and shoes. Towards the end, it was some office items. For awhile, I felt like I was making progress, but not at the same time. Now I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress. I’ve decided that once I get into my new place- the things that I am not wearing anymore-shoes included- will be given away.

I have my first house plant, too. Well, our first house plant. It’s a Peace Lily that was at C’s Grandmother’s funeral. I was told to pick out something since he doesn’t have space for it right now. I told him to pick out something and he had no clue. So I picked out the Peace Lily, and he didn’t even know that was a Peace Lily. It will be nice to transfer to our new place someday.

Everyone keeps asking me when we are getting engaged. I really don’t have an idea. We had to get him some dress clothes for the funeral when he came home and my sister texted me that he should just purchase a ring while there. I laughed and showed C, and he laughed, too. Whenever he decides to do it is when it will happen!

I need to head to bed. I want to be up early so I can work on my classes, then work on lesson plans. I’m trying to stick to a schedule. So many hours of homework, so many hours of lesson plans, so many hours of packing. Usually I am good about sticking to schedules once I have one going, so I know this won’t be a problem.

Have a great night/day!

Playing Catch Up

Hello, Blogosphere. I know I haven’t blogged in a quite awhile. Or much of substance. I’m going to give you a run-down of what all has been going on- but the shortened version, rather than the long one.

-I got a job! I am so excited, so happy to be back where I once was. I am truly looking forward to it. I got to see my new room last week, and someone mentioned how my eyes just lit up when I walked into it.

-I finished my first semester as a graduate student with a 4.0!

-I began ordering things for my new apartment. I’ll upload links soon.

-C’s grandmother passed away, and he was able to come home for the funeral- much to all of our surprise. It was so nice to have him home, and soon, he should be headed back to the states.

What else am I missing?

Oh, yes! I am about to purchase a newer vehicle. I had one vehicle in mind, set to purchase it and everything, and then I decided it wasn’t for me. The payments would be too high for what I am wanting to spend right now. So, I just found another one that I really like.

I’m going to an art workshop next month, for a few days, which I am very excited about.

And I am starting up classes again for the Summer. Booyah!

I think that is everything right now.

Sunny Days

C isn’t coming home right now. I’ve known this was a possibility for almost 3 weeks now. But officially, I have known since Friday night. He may be home later this Summer, but honestly, I don’t expect him home until around the holidays in the winter.

Of course, I cried. I wanted so badly for him to be home now. He’s been there for 3 years now. I wanted him closer, to not have to worry about being in different time zones. My goal was to go visit him as much as I possibly could when he moved closer.

A lot of people have told me that they admire how strong I have been through all of this. I have him to credit for that. He’s a strong-willed individual himself. He could easily be negative and mad/upset all the time. But he’s not. He takes everything and just rolls with it. He has been my rock, my strength. Because he has pushed on, so have I.

I always say a prayer for him every day. Lately, it’s been a different kind of prayer. I’m still praying for him, but it’s a different prayer again. I do know that God has a plan in store for us, and he will be home soon. Time will fly by like it has the past 2 years. Granted, at the time, I’m sure it didn’t seem like it flew by. But it has.

It stormed last night when I was in church. I drove home, and the sun started to come out, as it was still raining a little. I began to wonder if I would see a rainbow. I looked to my right a couple of seconds later, and there it was. God always reassures us that everything will be alright, and He was reassuring me last night that everything would be. We all face hardships in life, different things in various stages in our lives. God is constantly telling us everything will get better, just don’t give up.

Been Awhile

I haven’t blogged in a few days- I think it’s been since about Easter? Mainly I haven’t had much to talk about lately, and the things that I have going on- I really can’t comment on those things right now.

But I will say that my first semester as a Graduate student ended very well. I ended one class with a 95.50/100 and the other class with an 86/85. I am very pleased with my grades, and now am ready to enter all the necessary information to get more student loans.

That’s all I have for right now. If anything else changes, of course I’ll update.

Cioa!

Finished Zentangle!

This is my zentangle that I finished. I call it, "Garden of Life." I began working on it about 3 weeks ago, and finished the last of my flower just a bit ago. It's on 8 1/2X11 inch sketchbook paper. And I really like it. When doing it, I had a lot of compliments on it, how neat it looked. I'm just proud I finished it. :) Anyway, I wanted to share it with you.

Remembering…

April 17th, 2008- I remember this date, because it was the day that my professor told me that I did not pass a very important test that I needed. I cried that day, not knowing my future.

April 18th, 2008- We had a minor earthquake that morning. I found out that afternoon that I did pass that test. My professor was just given the wrong results.

April 20th, 2008- That was the day of my friend, L’s bridal shower. It was a good day for her. It was also the day that my Grandfather went into the hospital for the last time with his last bout of Pneumonia.

 

 

 

I don’t really have much more to add tonight. Just that my heart is hurting, sad, scared, worried. I got my hair done tonight, something I have had set up for awhile. It’s amazing that something like that can always soothe me.

Whew!

Tonight was the last class for one of my classes. The other class ends tomorrow night. As most of you know, I have grown irritated with my professor, because it seems that every time I have emailed her on questions dealing with assignments and she hasn’t emailed back, and then her not grading everything I have turned in- it was bugging me.
I turned in 2 assignments and a blog yesterday, bringing what I had remaining to turn in to 2 assignments, 2 blogs. The last 2 assignments are pretty much complete, I just wanted to look over them to see what else I could add. Before I turn one of the assignments in, I need to do the blog specifically on that assignment. As of yesterday evening, nothing had been graded- save for 1 assignment.
I logged in tonight before class, and everything I have turned in has been graded. I got the full points on everything so far. I was stunned, but not really sure how else to feel about them at the moment. I did work hard on those assignments, but I don’t know how she graded them. She is just giving us all the full points for one of the blogs, so now I just have 1 left to do. I need to do that, turn in my last 2 assignments, and do 2-1 page course evaluations.
I’ll work more on everything else tomorrow night. I was going to go full-force tonight, but I lost my motivation once class ended. Plus, I’m still not feeling the best. I have had another cold the last few days- yuck.
Have a great week, all!

-Courtney-

A new feature…

So I discovered this new feature on my laptop. Or rather, it’s been there since I bought it in August, but am just now playing with it. First off, let me say that I love my new laptop. I purchased my first one in 2007, and it was kind of slow. I didn’t bog it down with unnecessary things. It just wasn’t like the one I have now. By last June, I knew I was going to have to replace it. I’d look at laptops, see what I wanted, and then I’d weigh the options. I did that all Summer.

In early August, I was working on my laptop one morning and the screen went black. No warning or anything. So there I was, on my iPod, messaging C’s best friend, to see if he could help me. He told me that I should be able to hook an external monitor up to it. There was a key I had to push and he listed a couple of different keys to try. I finally figured it out, and had it set up. In the meantime, I had already ordered a new laptop via my iPod. I like my iPod, but not to be used as a laptop.

So, it arrived, and I was so excited to set it up. I’ve honestly never had any problems with this one (although, it updates just about every day, which took some getting used to for me). I like how fast it is, I like how organized it is (I’m an organizational person), I like the features on it. I got a built-in web-cam with it, so that C and I could Skype.

That was a huge difference! Before, I used an external web-cam, which was kind of annoying. It’d fall off the laptop screen. The quality wasn’t the greatest. Skype in general would have a lot of problems, such as not letting me on, kicking me off when we were in the middle of talking, etc. When I tried Skype on the new laptop- wow! I was amazed that it actually worked, the camera was great, and there were no problems on my end.

Okay, so I just rambled my story. I always tell C that I take a round-about way to get to the point of my story. Anyways, one of the features on my new laptop is being able to blog straight from the computer- not logging onto another website. I knew the feature existed on my laptop, as I’ve seen it before. But I never thought much of it. Until I scrolled over it by accident this morning. I clicked on it, thinking it wanted me to create a new page. One of the features of that program is that I could just type in my webpage that you all see, my password, and username, and it would do the rest. So here I am, blogging straight from my computer and didn’t have to log into Blogger to do it.

I like it! I can still add pictures, Hyperlinks, vids (if I chose to upload a video), and even edit my font type from here as well. I just learned something new today! Aren’t you so proud of me?  

 

Until next time,

-Courtney-

I Miss It

I miss being in Japan, with C.

But mostly, I just miss him.

He's doing alright, still knows nothing at the moment. He said he should know something in the next few days. I can only hope that things are still on track for him coming home, but nothing is certain right now.

I Stand Corrected

Alright, so the other night, I wrote that I was a 4th generation German-American. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote that. I discovered the error after I asked my mom if her grandparents had an accent. She asked why would they, since they were born here. It was my great-great-great grandparents that came over here. So that makes me a 6th generation German-American.

Still pretty unique, though.

Who Are You?

Tomorrow marks 150 years since the Civil War started. There was an article about it in the newspaper today, saying that 2 out of 3 Americans had an ancestor who fought in the Civil War. On ancestry.com this week, they are letting people search Civil War documents- for free, I believe. My dad said I have ancestors that came from Virginia. I've found confederate money that was my Grandmother's, as well as money from the Virginia Treasury. So that in turn led me to find my geneology books that I have.

On my dad's paternal side, my only direct ancestory who would have fought paid someone else $15 to be his substitute. I'm not sure about his maternal side yet, as I don't have any geneology records on them just yet. My mom's paternal side did not come here until about 1900. What I found most interesting in that geneology book is that my great-grandparents were first generation Americans when they came over here. So that means that I am a 4th generation American on that side of the family. We hail from Germany. The village where they come from looks beautiful. I actually want to go there someday, because I don't know a lot about that side of the family.

So now, I have a quest. To learn more, discover as much as I can about my ancestry. I want to know where they came from, what they may have done in their lives.

And I pose a question to you. Who are you and where do you come from?

Goals

I recently read a blog of a friend of mine, someone I met a couple of years ago. She is an amazing woman, and I always admire her for how she lives her life. With poise, grace, strength, and courage. She is a fellow baker like myself, but she does so much more with it when she bakes. I always enjoy reading what she bakes or cooks when I see it on Facebook. We have a lot of similarities, and I have known for a couple of years now that we would be good frineds.

(In case you were wondering, I still am good about not getting on there right now. :) )

When I read her blog the other day, I read a post that was from a couple of months ago, where she had goals for herself she wants to accomplish this year. And it got me thinking of what I want to do for the remainder of this year, and the coming years.

While I don't have my list formulated yet, I do have two goals in mind for sometime in the future. One hopefully in the near future, and one just in the future. The first one would be taking a baking class with her. We've talked about doing a cupcake bake thing (those are popular now, and it interests both of us). Hopefully that happens in the next few months.

The other has to do with zentangles. I do a little zentangling each night now. It's after everything else in my days are completed. Last night, since it was Friday night, I did about 2-3 hours worth, I think. I can't remember because I lost track of time. You all have heard me talk before about zentangles. I cannot sing the praises  enough of whoever came up with this wonderful art media. I really enjoy it. Sometimes, I don't even do it because I'm stressed out. One of the things I like about it is that anyone-at any age- can do this. I have had middle school students come to me, and say they were amazed that I could draw that good. And then I tell them, "The awesome thing is- you can, too!" See, a lot of us have this ingrained notion that because we can't draw people or objects, then we can't draw good at all. That is the most common thing I hear a lot of. I don't claim to be the most amazing artist when it comes to drawing. I have learned through the art classes that I have taken that I can draw, even though it's not the most amazing drawing ever.

That's not being negative, I'm really okay with where I am when it comes to drawing people or objects. I know it's not my strong point- but it doesn't mean that I can't do other drawings. Like zentangles. I can do that kind of drawing. I've picked up a few books from Amazon.com, because I did want to know more about it. I've looked at images via Google,  because I wanted to see what others have created. It's mesmorizing to me. And it's also a beautiful thing. If you are still in the dark about zentangles, I recommend googling it, and clicking on images. Or http://www.zentangle.com/. That is the official website.

I always read about people becoming CZT's (Certified Zentangle Teachers). I want to become one. I want to attend a 4 day seminar on zentangles, become certified, and take what I have been taught and bring it back here so others can enjoy it (because it ties into another goal of mine in the future). That is a goal of mine. It's expensive, but worth it. However, it's just going to have to wait until I have a job again. I know I'll eventually be able to go to a seminar and become certified. In the meantime, I will share with you all my work as I finish them.

Enjoy your weekend! When not working on a couple of huge projects, I know I'll zentangle some more!

My Oh My

The past 6 days have seemed to fly by! I welcomed April with open arms and am so thankful that it's finally April. I'm going to give you a re-cap over the past few days.

Friday- Went with my Grandma to her appointment/procedure. Ironically, the power was out by 7:50 that morning (being that it was April Fool's Day), and so all the appointments that were scheduled at the hospital were backed up. We spent more time waiting for her to be called than in the actual room, which was okay. We went to breakfast afterwards. She sounded confident that the Dr. wouldn't call her until after she had another test later this month. I'll get to that in a moment.

Saturday- It was windy out, but I got to hang out with my adorable nephews. Then my brother and his family came home for the afternoon/evening, so it was nice to hang out with them as well.

Sunday- Went to a museum with my aunt and uncle, my cousins and their daughter, my parents, my sister and her family. It was a lot of fun, but we were all pretty exhausted. I took so many pictures. We left at 4, and just as we were leaving, I got hit with another "mega" headache. Which caughnt me off guard. I've normally only gotten them at a certain time of the month. Or so I thought. I didn't get one at all last month, which made this one strange. I got home around 6, took an ibuprofen at 7:30, and by 8:30, it did not kick in. I finally went to sleep and woke up at 10:30- almost all traces of the headache gone. Unfortunately, I could not fall back asleep for a couple of hours. Although, I did get up and check my email (habit in the middle of the night when I wake up, anyway, just in case C is able to email). Luckily for me, C did email me. He sounded a lot better, which made me somewhat relieved. We still do not know anything at all. But I'm getting more and more anxious as time goes by. I keep waiting for an email that says yay or nay.

Yesterday and today, I have worked on some homework, among other things. I registered for classes, and by the end of this summer, I will have only 3 classes left to take. I am taking 5 this Summer during the two Summer sessions. Unfortunately, at the moment, only one of the classes I need after this Summer is offered in the Fall. I'm irritated with my professor, as she has not graded 4 or 5 of the assignments I have turned in. Since January. She has graded 1, which I turned in almost a month ago. I have emailed her quite a few times, but she hasn't responded. Ironically she responded to my email about everything else today.

On to my Grandma- My mom tells me that her Dr. called her to come in immediately this morning. So unfortunately, no one was able to go with her. See, she had been having pains in her stomach and they thought it was her Gallbladder. They now see she has a small kidney stone, damage to her esophagus (did I spell that correctly?) which is due to acid reflux, and found 3 nodules around her heart. No one knows what the latter means, and she won't know until her appointment with the other Dr. next week. Maybe it's nothing, I don't know.

A friend of mine has told me not to worry unless I really have to, on anything in life. So that's what I'm going to do. I just need to remember that when it comes to everything with C right now. :)

Well, friends. I am headed to bed. Soon, anyway. I'm exhausted. But I hope that you are having a great week! Tomorrow, we are halfway through the week!

What? NOOOO!!!!

I have to post this quickly.

I always check the news, as in once every few hours. I just read that Hershey's is raising their wholesale prices 9.7%! They aren't sure if it will take place before Easter or not. But wow. I understand they are trying to make a profit in these tough times, but choco-holics like me are in a world of hurt. Granted, I gave up sweets for Lent, so this is helping me. But there are times, like almost everyone else, that I just need a little something.

Le sigh.

I actually knew this was coming. Back in December, I read an article that showed the top 10 things that were expected to go up in price during 2011. Chocolate was among them, as is coffee. How ironic that a little over 4 months ago this article was posted.

Also, I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but I was told months ago that in about 20 years there may be a chocolate shortage. NOOO! But it's because we consume so much chocolate these days. About a 100 years ago, it was a luxury to have chooclate. Now, it's nothing for us to get it.

Oh, chocolate. We had a good run, didn't we?

Au Revoir, March

I can honestly say that I will not miss you!

You were a very intense month, and I am glad that we are turning the page into April! Things are a little bit better as far as my post on Tuesday goes. Again, I won't know anything until it's certain. But I'll continue to hope and pray.

I am taking a break at the moment from working on a scrapbook for C. It's the second project I have made. I did a shadow box of things for him last weekend. The scrapbook is something that I wanted to have done by December, but never got around to it. If I can work on just a little bit at a time, then I will hopefully have it done in no time.

After munching on some carrots, I'm about to start working on the scrapbook again. Tomorrow morning, I am going with my Grandma to the hospital so she can have a procedure done. My mom doesn't think there will be any problems, but she just wants her to have someone there just in case. That someone is me, because my mom is busy tomorrow at work.

I finished all my required readings for class, as well as one more paper down. This last paper was harder. For somne reason, I just could not get out what I was trying to say. I started typing it on Monday, and finished it this afternoon...5 pages later.

I'm going to go back to working on the scrapbook page I was working on. I hope you all have a great weekend!

Just Need to Breathe

I am starting to prepare myself in case C won't be home soon. I don't want to think that way, but it could be a reality. A reality that I definitely do not want. No one knows anything on anything. And it's so frustrating. I want a crystal ball. I want to wave a magic wand and make it all better. There is honestly nothing I can do.

I got word yesterday that I can send mail again. However, it could take awhile to get there, and considering he is supposed to be home soon, I don't want to send anything and have it completely miss him. It was a decision that I went back and forth on for a few days. I gave myself a deadline weeks ago of when to mail out anything and that deadline is now. Mainly because it could take more than just 5 days to get there.

I cannot shake this feeling right now that he won't be coming home soon. Maybe it's more of preparing myself for it. We all just want some answers, and unfortunately no one has any information that we don't already know.

I just need to breathe and continue telling myself that everything will be okay. I just need to keep thinking that he will be home soon, because he will.

Okay, I got my thoughts out. I feel a little better.

Kids say the cutest things

My nephew was hanging out here earlier today. He was trying to build a tower of blocks, but the tower kept falling over. He was getting frustrated that it wasn't working. So I asked him, "when life gives you lemons, what do you do?"

And he replied, "Take a deep breath."


Did I mention he's 4?? He's so smart, even though I don't think he's heard that before.

The other day, I was watching my 3 nephews when my sis ran some errands. B is 4, H and little B are twins, who are almost 2. They keep life interesting. Anyways, B, Little B, and I were coloring. Or rather, B and I were coloring. Little B was the crayon police. Every time I tried to reach for a crayon in the big box of crayons, he'd say, "No, no!" And hover over the box like it was his job. Finally, I swapped out the crayon I had for another one, and he was okay with that. But I couldn't take more than one apparently.

It was humorous, like he was guarding the box that was specifically for him.

I have a nickname with my nephews. It started when B was just a few months shy of his second birthday. He couldn't say my name, and when he did try, it came out Kiki. So it stuck. He'd argue with anyone when they tried to say my name, he'd say, "No, Kiki." To this day, 2 years later, he still calls me Kiki. Little B started calling me "Cookie." I think he was getting Kiki and the actual food cookie confused. But now he says Kiki, but kind of drawn out. "Kikiii."

B also told me a couple of weeks ago that I was having 5 children, and that their names were going to be Sami, Jo-Jo, Bingo, and Banjo. He didn't realize he left out a name. I asked him why those names, and he said, "Because they are easy to say." Very well. :)

Those definitely won't be the names in the future, although I am not going to crush his idea of those names at the moment.

Free To A Good Home

Along my many organizational projects, I am going through the books I have bought over the years. So far, I'm getting rid of 2 boxes of books. They aren't getting thrown out, but if anyone wants them, have at it. I'm an avid reader, but I thought it would be harder to part with them. I can remember when I was a few years younger thinking that I'd re-read them over and over again. Only the ones that I really enjoyed have been read again. As long as someone else gets enjoyment out of reading them, that's all that matters.

I am cutting down on a lot of things that I don't need. It's just not necessary to have so much. One of the things that I do know I have a lot of is sunglasses. Mainly because I lose a pair, buy a pair, find the original pair, lose both, buy another pair, find them, etc. It continues. To now where I probably have close to ten pairs- since going back to contacts in 2006. Luckily, I never spend more than just a few dollars on sunglasses, but still. There is no need to have that many pairs.

Next up: going through all my art supplies. I have to be careful with some of that stuff, because it is toxic. Which is why it's in sealed totes. I know that my photography stuff is in a tote. Such as the brown jug that I kept on hand for when I had to mix the chemicals for my black and white photography class. Although, I think the one brown jug that I have left has never been used. I do recall disposing of the other jug, with it's chemicals in a very proper way. I did have my turpenoid for painting in a container. I've always been told that when it was time to get rid of that, to saturate the mixture of turpenoid and oil with cloth or lots of paper towels. And that is just what I did. I put so many paper towels in there in order to get it all soaked. Then I wrapped duct tape around the lid to seal it in, and wrapped it in many plastic bags. I also wrote on the container before it went in the plastic bags that it was toxic. Again, it was properly disposed of.

I lead such an exciting life, I know! But it's things that need to be done AND it's keeping me busy. While doing all that, though, I keep thinking of May, of things I need to do before May gets here. I need to start a list, but for now it's all in my head. One of the things that is definitely on my list is having a poster made. There is a website that I have found that allows for a free poster, all I need to do is pay shipping and handling (which is less than $10). I'm trying to decide what picture to use, but I'll figure that out in just a few short days. I already mentioned the idea to C's parents, and they thought it was a good idea. What I am going to do is order the poster soon, have it here before May so that people can sign it. I thought it would be a nice touch for him. It is one of the things I am most excited about, to do for him.

Motivation

I was able to knock out a paper I have due on the 28th yesterday. For some reason, I keep thinking that the 28th is tomorrow. Negative, it's on Monday. But anyway, the paper is done. I'm going to re-read it before I send it, to make sure it's just the way I want it. I started working on another paper yesterday, and am almost ready to start typing it up.

I also began going through a lot of things. I am determined to not buy another bottle of lotion until I use every opened and unopened bottle that I have. I am a lotion-aholic. I always carry lotion in every purse or bag that I have. I cannot stand the feel of my hands without lotion being on them. I literally cannot think of anything else until I get lotion on my hands. Drives me nuts! It's now affecting my feet. If I don't have socks on my feet yet, I can just feel the dryness. And then I can't think of anything else. Sometimes I'll look at my hands and if they are starting to get dry, I can tell. Then I'll put more lotion on.

I am so weird. But anyways, I have about 3 unopened bottles of lotion, and 3 half-opened bottles. I actually haven't bought lotion in quite awhile-probably since the Summer. But I won't let them go to waste. Believe me, they will be used. I'm just in that "Spring cleaning" frame of mind. I am an avid reader, and I have collected a lot of books over the past 12-14 years. I'm going to go through them all, keep the ones that I want, and give the rest away.

I'm getting more and more anxious as the days pass on, waiting for May to get here. I had this dream this morning that C's mom and I were either boarding a plane to get to him or coming off a plane to meet him. Either way, he was there. I remember thinking that it seemed so surreal. How true that was! Time is flying by, but at the same time, I am so ready for it to be May.

Macaroni and Cheese

I'm not above eating Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. It's not very often, but tonight was one of those easy nights. They changed their box design, which I knew about. But it turned me off tonight of the brand, as I was cooking the macaroni and reading the back of the box.

Upon reading the back of the box and how they talk about their new box design, I discovered that they don't use proper punctuation. How in the world are we supposed to teach our children to use proper punctuation and grammar if we as adults can't use it ourselves? It was horrible to read. It was almost like a teenager wrote the paragraph on the back of the box.

I was so shocked when reading that paragraph, that I couldn't get past it. Maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of this than there needs to be. But I really think that people should use proper grammar and punctuation, especially when they are selling a product.

Happy Spring!

Today was the first day of Spring! And it was so nice out.

I applied for a couple of jobs today, and need to print off my resume, cover letter, and college transcripts for another job. Which reminds me I need printer ink. I also began cleaning out clothes that I don't wear anymore. Out of the many pairs of jeans I was certain I could no longer wear, I am only giving away 3. The rest I did try on, and for sure I can still wear them. They are actually kind of loose at times!

Today was an easy Monday. I didn't have class tonight, but I will have it tomorrow night. I'm going to work on homework tomorrow, knock out a couple of projects, and work on a project or two.

Needed That Today

My friend, K, is having a baby.

Well, not at the moment, but is due in May. So today was her baby shower. I went with my sister and our other friend, C. On the way down, we were dancing and being silly, just talking about every day life. At one point, I had apparently said something, and then suddenly, I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. C said something, and again I began laughing a lot with tears in my eyes. We had such a great time at the shower, and I'm glad we got to sit down and just talk afterwards.

I really needed that today. I just needed to laugh and be surrounded by friends after Friday. I wish I had a crystal ball to see what was coming next. I hate to say it, but I have prepared myself for the worst. When I say "worst", I don't mean grieving. I just mean, expect the unexpected. I think about things that might happen, because anything is possible.

this blog is kind of turning into my updates on everything lately. It didn't start out that way, and I know I'll go back to posting other things soon. I'm boring, I know. :) I haven't even baked anything really good lately. Well, last weekend I made cherry cupcakes, but those didn't turn out like cupcakes. It was more like a muffin. My nephews still enjoyed them! :)

"I Said, Baby, You're Not Lost"

"Cause you are not alone. I'm always there with you. And we'll get lost together. Til the light comes pouring through. Cause when you feel like you're done, and the darkness has won. Babe, you're not lost. When your world is crashing down and you cannot bear the cross. I said, baby, you're not lost."

I love Michael Buble. He has such an amazing voice. This song of his speaks to me. I have it on my iPod, but I just heard it when I was watching NCIS while I was uploading photos to order from Snapfish. It reminded me of C. When thing are tough, he's there. When things are tough on his end, I'm there. He's the only person I want to spend my life getting lost with.

That kind of reminds me of when I spent time with him a couple of months ago. We were looking for a destination, and turned right, thinking it was in that direction. We walked for a bit before we realized that either we were in the wrong direction or we needed to turn completely around. So we turned around, and within 2 minutes, we spotted the destination. We both just started laughing.

I'm always asked how I do it, because it's hard to be away from the one you love. Yes, I agree, it is. People tell me that I am so strong and courageous for being in a long distance relationship. There are times when I want to fall apart, when I completely want to give in for the night and have a good cry. And I have cried. I'm not going to say it's always a bed of roses, because it is challenging. But in order to overcome those challenges, we've worked together, albeit far away. I've never once doubted him, and he's never doubted me. That was the first huge hurdle we had to get through. Not every LDR (long distance relationship) can get through it, because it is hard not to have doubts. Believe me, I have heard stories from others. Patience is another challenge. My kind of LDR isn't like a usual LDR. There have been many times when I get more emails than phone calls or Skype dates. And there have been times when it's been solely email that it could be more than a week at a time. I know he hasn't forgotten about me or anyone else that he cares about. He's just busy doing more important things. And I get it. I understand why he's doing what he's doing. That is his first priority, as it should be.

But it's memories like the one I just typed about that keep me going. Through the hard times, those are what cheer me up when I cannot talk to him. The memories that we have made together are very important. I carry them in my heart.

Never, ever look at any kind of LDR in terms of negativity. I've always remained positive and upbeat. I've always told myself (and him, as well), "This isn't forever; this is temporary." And I'm right. So it's helped to be positive, upbeat, have a great attitude towards it all. I can't change it, but I can control my actions, my thoughts.I am rambling, I know.

This has been one of the hardest weeks in our 2 year, 1 month, and 5 day relationship. There have been about 3 of them that I can remember. I know I won't stop worrying until he is back here. But at the same time, I know he's safe.

Tonight, though, was one of those nights where I gave in and cried a little. Michael Buble's song did it for me. It's hard not to worry, it's hard not to be stressed, scared, unsure. I feel helpless. I can't do anything on this end for him besides pray. I can't physically be there.

Things will be okay, though. And soon, he'll be back here. In the meantime, I've got things to keep me busy and focused on here. It will make the time go by so much faster.

Hard Not To

It's been a heck of a week. First off all, I want to thank so many of you for thinking of C and keeping him in your prayers. The tremendous support we have received has been amazing. I've been praying as much as possible- for everyone. Today was just one of those days where I could have used some cupcakes. But I did not give in to any sweets, so that was some willpower right there.

It's hard not to worry about the people that I care about. I'm worried about C, about his parents who are visiting him at the moment. With everything going on, I'm not sure what is going to happen. I'm preparing myself for anything. We are so close, so close. I did end up getting on Facebook last night and again this morning, checking to make sure everyone was safe. It is a bad time for me to give it up, but I am still going to try.

On top of that, my balance has been off the past few days. I've never experienced it that bad. It's gotten stronger in the past day. As in what I call "waves." It is the worst feeling a body can experience. This morning, my alarm went off as usual. I scrambled out of bed to shut it off. Only, I didn't get that far. I ended up crashing into the rocking chair I have close to my bed. And then I just fell over,catching myself as I fell. I think I was stunned and still out of it when I fell.

I am okay, though. I thought I bruised my ribs some, but nothing is sore. Hopefully it doesn't happen again.

Enjoy your week!

"It's like being on a boat...but never leaving land!"

I've been suffering from a cold since last Thursday or Friday. I really thought I was over it by Sunday. But it flared up again yesterday morning. I woke up at 5:45 yesterday morning, but decided to go back to sleep for a few minutes. I noticed when I rolled over, I felt funny.

My alarm went off at 6:15. I got out of bed and immediately had to hold onto a book case because my balance was that off. I didn't feel good at all. I was very tired, even though I got a lot of sleep the night before. But yesterday was a good day despite the scratchy throat, and being off balance. I got to give a presentation- and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm glad I was invited to give that presentation and that I got to do it. I had to cancel it a couple of weeks ago because I caught the stomach bug that was going around.

I came home last night, and all I wanted to do was go back to bed. I struggled to get through everything I wanted to finish before I went to bed. Finally, I finished around 8:30, and I was ready to call it a day. I woke up this morning at 5:44 (funny, right?) and went back to sleep until 6:15. Again, my balance was off. I noticed as I went about my morning that it didn't matter if I was sitting or standing, it would still occur. I have felt kind of "out of it" the last couple of days. It's like my math skills went out the window and I lost any kind of speaking skills at times- or so it seems.

For me, it is one of the worst feelings a body can experience. It's like being on a boat, but never leaving land. That is the best way I can describe it, if you have never experienced it. Sometimes nausea accompanies it, but it wasn't as often today. Since I'm still feeling under the weather, and I had the afternoon off, I did come home and take a nap.

I had my worst off-balance experience when I rolled over to fall asleep this afternoon. It was a huge wave of it, and then smaller waves occured. I just clutched the blanket and hoped it stopped soon. I took about a 2 hour nap. I woke up still exhausted, but feeling better than I had in a couple of days. I was able to finish my research for my current paper that is due on Friday, and even wrote the paper. It is now finished, and I am so excited that I finally got it done. That says a lot, considering I haven't had any motivation since I came down with this cold on Thursday or Friday.

Now I just need to start another paper for another class, which I should finish this weekend, and then start the next project for that class as well. Other than that, just recovering from this cold and taking it easy this weekend.

What A Difference

Just a few days ago, I gave up Facebook, sweets, and junk food for Lent. I did get on Facebook yesterday, and I did eat a cupcake as well yesterday. But I felt guilty doing both, like it was ingrained in my brain to not do those things. I had to make a long drive this morning, and I became hungry on the way back. Maybe before I would have stopped at a place to get a sandwich. Although that doesn't happen very often. But do you see how easy, how simple it is for me to do that?

Because I've been incorporating more fruits, veggies, more healthy sandwiches, more dairy in my life, I don't hardly notice not having sweets. And I am a choco-holic. Self-proclaimed. It's been almost 6 days since I have had any chocolate, and I am super-impressed. I can bake and not eat it, I've done it dozens of times before.

I'm not only doing this for Lent, but to break habits. I got to eat red velvet cake in the form of yogurt today, and it was so good. Just as good as red velvet cake.

Okay, now I'm going to go eat my orange!